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What is a Trumpanzee?

Submitted by Robin Messing on Mon, 05/04/2020 - 3:51pm

Definition: Trumpanzee--a hard core worshiper in the Cult of Donald Trump.

Derivation: A portmanteau of "Trump" and "Chimpanzee". Arises from the fact that Trump is making monkeys of his followers, but they are too stupid to realize it. All right, all right. I know chimpanzees are apes and not monkeys. It's called poetic liscense. Deal with it!

Synonym: MAGA Moron

How To Know If You Are A Trumpanzee: If you think that injecting disinfectants to cure Covid-19 is worthy of spending our valuable resources investigating, then you are a Trumpanzee. If you think separating children from their parents and throwing them in concentration camps under inhumane conditions are acceptable, then you are a Trumpanzee. If you are cool with having an Administration lawyer argue that it isn't necessary for children to have soap, bedding, or toothbrushes for their conditions to be considered "safe and sanitary", then you are a Trumpanzee. If you think Donald Trump is a very stable genius after being a five-time gold medal winner of the Stupidity Olympics, you are a Trumpanzee. You might be a Trumpanzee even if you don't believe these things, but if you do believe them then congratulations! You are a bona fide, certified 100% Trumpanzee purebred.

The Trumpanzee Elite: Despite their obsequious praise of Dear Leader, a large number of the Trumpanzee elite have been purged from his Administration.






The Anti-Trumpanzee Motto: It takes a very *SPECIAL* kind of moron to believe that a draft dodging, tax cheating, charity cheapskate, scamming/dead beating billionaire cares for anyone but himself. 


Trumpanzees In Their Natural Habitat





And here we have a Trumpanzee using his powers of persuasion and logical reasoning to convince us to become Trump supporters as well.





Beware: Your Brain On Trump


Though not every supporter of Trump goes totally off the deep end, those who are Trumpanzees are more susceptible to joining a pro-virus death cult.






Advice for Trumpanzees


  1. Wise up! Donald Trump cut off health insurance to his grandnephew when his grandnephew was a dangerously sick baby. He didn't care about his grandnephew. He sure as hell doesn't care about you.
  2. Don't support a president who is your intellectual equal. Aspire to have a president who is smarter than you are.
  3. Educate yourself. You can start by reading  The Problem Isn’t Just Trump. It’s Our Ignorant Electorate. I'll start you out with an excerpt, but please read the whole article by Ron Reagan.


Virulent as he may be, Donald J. Trump is a symptom not the disease. Without us, he would amount to nothing more than what he had always been before the bizzaro presidential election of 2016: a foppish narcissist desperate for any measure of affirmation; a joke; a nothing. He did not create his voters. They have been there all along, seething with sometimes justifiable anger and suffering their various insecurities. They created and enabled Trump. And make no mistake, in all their vulnerable humanity, they are us: Gullible, compliant, distracted, marinating in irony.

At root, we the people are the problem.

We are understandably reluctant to impugn the intelligence and integrity of our fellow citizens. It is arrogant, uncivil, bad form. Who are we, any of us, to hold ourselves superior? When Hillary Clinton referred to some Trump supporters as “deplorables”, she was roundly castigated on all sides. How dare she? Yet it is an uncomfortable reality that anywhere from a fifth to a third of our electorate can be fairly (if gently) described as low-information voters. If the results of numerous polls and questionnaires are to be trusted, they know very little about the world they inhabit and what they do “know” is often woefully incorrect.

Surveys conducted every two years by the National Science Foundation consistently demonstrate that slightly more than half of Americans reject the settled science concerning human evolution. They are not unaware that virtually all credible scientists accept the overwhelming evidence that we evolved from earlier species. They simply choose not to accept that consensus because it doesn’t comport with their deeply held beliefs. Many also embrace the absurd notion that the earth is only six thousand years old. Astonishingly, in the early 21st century, around a quarter of our citizenry seems unaware that said earth revolves around the sun.

It is a mistake to regard concern about such ignorance as effete snobbery or elitist condescension. While misapprehensions about basic astronomy, earth science and biology may have little impact on these folk’s daily lives, does anyone actually believe that similarly uninformed views aren’t likely to affect their grasp of policies regarding, say, climate change? Income inequality? Gun violence? Immigration?



Update 5/5/2020: This video was updated to include information about Alex Jones.

Update: 8/2/2022: Stonekettle's 10-tweet thread provides the perfect summary of the Trumpanzee ethos. The cruelty is the point.





Update 4/19/23: I removed a passage about Alex Jones because it contained an embedded video that was central to the point I was making about Jones. Unfortunately, that video has been deleted, so there was no point to leaving the rest of the discussion about Jones. Of course, what happened on January 6 more than proved the general thesis of this article.